How to bring up going to therapy to your parents/caregivers this school year
So you may have been thinking about how having a place to talk to someone confidentially (meaning private) might help you with school stress, feelings of anxiety or depression, worry about friends or college…but you’re worried about how to bring it up to your parents.
It’s understandable that it can be hard to tell your parents.
Know that wanting to seek services is a healthy thing to do for yourself.
If your arm was fractured or broken no one would bat an eye that you’d want to go to the doctor to get it checked out. It’s the right thing to do if something doesn’t feel right or you’re noticing changes in yourself.
Therapy may be a new concept for your parents, it wasn’t as common/ accepted in the past and was seen as something for only severe cases would access. Now culturally we are moving towards why let it get that bad when you can go in before it gets to that point?, but your parents might not be exposed to this.
Remind yourself that you may need to try multiple times. Think of this as planting seeds. Just because one doens’t sprout doens’t mean you give up completely. It may be frustrating to have to keep advocating for yourself, but you are your best advocate.
Use this DEAR MAN (DBT) technique to start advocating for yourself!
Describe: Describe the situation factually without opinions. The goal is to increase everyone’s understanding and get on the same page.
Express: Let your caregivers know how a situation makes you feel by expressing your feelings in two sentences or less.
Try using this line: “I feel ___ because ___ I need/want___.”
Example: I feel overwhelmed because of all the changes / different feelings I’m experiencing this school year.
Assert: Communicate what you need.
Example: I want to have a place to talk to someone and organize my thoughts or learn ways to cope/manage. I want to find a therapist to talk to.
Try not to say: Oh maybe I don’t know I can talk to someone.
Reinforce: Say how it may help / be positive.
Example: Overtime this can help me work on
raising my grades
feeling more relaxed
be able to enjoy things more than I do now
This also can be a smile and/or thank you.
Mindful: Don’t get lost in the sauce of the conversation meaning don’t let what others say sidetrack you from your goal.
Example: if caregiver says “I never had this therapy stuff before”
Don’t get caught up in an argumet about how that is not relevant.
Instead think: Be a broken record player and repeat yourself.
Appear confident: When we don’t appear confident parents/caregivers naturally try to find why something may not work for us sometimes as a way to protect us. Try to stand up straight, make eye contact, have a sure of yourself tone of voice.
Negotiate: We can’t have everything we want out of an interaction every time.. Be open to negotiation and keep trying.