How to Set Healthy Boundaries During the Holiday Season

Although the holidays introduce more joy into our lives, inevitably, they also increase stress. Family dynamics are often at the heart of that stress as we struggle to create magical memories or find the perfect gifts for our loved ones. However, you can manage stress when you learn to set boundaries. Here we offer tips to help you reduce holiday stress by setting healthy boundaries.

What are Healthy Boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are basically a list of things you feel are okay and not okay. It allows you to limit the situations that tend to overwhelm you so you can increase joy and reduce stress. Boundaries improve health and strengthen relationships through honest, open communication. They also provide confidence for you to express what you want and feel safe saying “no” to the things you don’t. Healthy boundaries are easier when you know how to create and enforce them.

Recognize Your Limits

Boundaries start with yourself. If you recognize the things that you do that cause stress, then you have won half the battle. You can recognize your limits with a few steps:

• Ask those around you how they think you are managing and if they notice any changes or have any concerns

• Write down the things you know cause you stress

• Consider how you can lessen those stressors

• Acknowledge financial limits and find ways to remain within your budget

Decide to Speak Up

It can be very difficult to voice concerns or say no to the people you have always helped during the holidays. However, when you are honest, you improve relationships because you reduce resentment toward the people you love. While it takes some preparation to get the words out, it is very freeing. To help prepare yourself:

• Take a few deep breaths

• Tell yourself you can do it, and remind yourself it’s for your own good

• Think of the positives about yourself, the situation, and the person involved

Express Yourself

The key to speaking up is using “I” statements that keep the focus on you to avoid people feeling you are somehow accusing them of something. This is a common approach taught in therapy and counseling. “I” statements sound something like this:

I feel (the emotions you are feeling) when (behavior you don’t like) because (the effect of their behavior).

You are explaining how their actions impact you to help them understand why you have set this boundary. Situations might be someone asking for help to organize a gathering, how someone reacts to your gift or concerns about telling inappropriate jokes in front of kids.

Say No

Taking on too much is very common during the holidays. The easy solution is to set boundaries by simply saying “no.” No explanation is required.

Although the idea of being so direct is scary, once you share your thoughts, you can be proud of your achievement. Even if people get upset by your boundaries, they tend to be the people taking advantage of your good nature. The people you love and respect will be supportive and understand you’re doing the best you can. If you find you are still struggling, mental health services via telehealth can help you cope.

The holiday season is wonderful but can also be challenging. Please reach out if you're interested in extra, ongoing support.